Oh, the blueberries. Just another classic entry into the canon that is the chronicle of living with a shitty roommate. Let’s begin.
I had just got in from grocery shopping and was unpacking my bags when Snow White entered the kitchen. This was before I couldn’t stand the sight of her or the sound of her high-pitched, sickly (and falsely) sweet voice.
After making small talk for the sake of small talk (not by choice. I happen to quite enjoy comfortable silence), she noticed that I had purchased two cartons of blueberries. She decided to exclaim, “I love blueberries!”
Fast forward to a couple days later.
I come home from work ready for a snack. And because I was trying to be a stable, healthy (almost) adult I planned on eating the aforementioned blueberries with some Greek yogurt. I lead an exciting life.
I open the fridge grab my cartons and much to my horror find this:
I hadn’t even opened them yet or eaten a single berry….
Though I had no concrete proof I knew precisely who the culprit was (or at least who I wanted it to be).
A high-pitched voice echoed in my mind.
I love blueberries.
It couldn’t have been anyone else. Not just because of my Law & Order-esque revelation, but also because at this time we were the only two living at the apartment. No one else had moved in yet so it had to be her.
I immediately texted Belle and shared my frustration and accusation. Photo evidence and all. She suggested that I send something to the group message we were all a part of.
I wrote up something to the effect of me working full-time and paying for all my expenses blah blah blah. The usual stuff. Along with the picture. To further illustrate my point, I referenced the roommate agreement we all agreed to. You know, the part about if you didn’t buy it don’t eat/drink it?
Because I’m an (almost) adult and know how to read and keep promises.
And I waited. And waited.
Shockingly, she confessed and owned up to it.
The sweet satisfaction of being right.
She offered to replace the berries to which I curtly replied, “That won’t be necessary. Thank you.”
This was simply the first of many offenses she would commit. And trust me, they get much worse.
Thanks for reading and laughing with me!