C.R.A.P.

Jasmine has officially joined the crew of revolting angry princesses. A.K.A. CRAP Squad – lead by you royal highnesses, Belle and Meg, the Trash Queens.

Meg even made us these beautiful crowns.

Anyway, in light of the mouse incident the other night, Jasmine decided to take a stand against the behaviors of our disgusting roommates.

Meg and I were thrilled, as you can see from our praise hands. At last, the CRAP squad had majority! We finally had the numbers to (theoretically) combat the fifth of the troll and her mysterious dining concoctions.

We got the usual bullshit affirmations from the others, followed by yet another mouse incident (Merida “trapped” it in the bathroom…), and the brief fridge discussion I already covered…before the drama continued.

You would think that between Jasmine and Meg the problem would be solved…but Meg still came home to this:

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No joke.

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….which gave her a wonderful idea!

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Yup, she actually did it.

Which lead to Merida’s appropriate response:

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Where does that leave us, you ask?

Well, tomorrow is trash day and the recycling bin looks like this:

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Meg and I are still not buying communal goods.
There is no toilet paper (except our private stashes).
There are no paper towels.
There are no paper plates.
There is no hand soap (ew).

…and now pots and pans may only be used with Merida’s permission.

It looks like the CRAP Squad still has a lot of work to do *sigh.*

We are the Trash Queens. Long may we reign. May we sit upon our thrones forever.

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AND THE BEST PART IS …. I’M NOT EVEN HOME THIS WEEK.

xoxo Belle

 

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The Blueberries Incident

Oh, the blueberries. Just another classic entry into the canon that is the chronicle of living with a shitty roommate. Let’s begin.

I had just got in from grocery shopping and was unpacking my bags when Snow White entered the kitchen. This was before I couldn’t stand the sight of her or the sound of her high-pitched, sickly (and falsely) sweet voice.

After making small talk for the sake of small talk (not by choice. I happen to quite enjoy comfortable silence), she noticed that I had purchased two cartons of blueberries. She decided to exclaim, “I love blueberries!”

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Fast forward to a couple days later.

I come home from work ready for a snack. And because I was trying to be a stable, healthy (almost) adult I planned on eating the aforementioned blueberries with some Greek yogurt. I lead an exciting life.

I open the fridge grab my cartons and much to my horror find this:

File_000 I hadn’t even opened them yet or eaten a single berry….

Though I had no concrete proof I knew precisely who the culprit was (or at least who I wanted it to be).

A high-pitched voice echoed in my mind.

I love blueberries.

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It couldn’t have been anyone else. Not just because of my Law & Order-esque revelation, but also because at this time we were the only two living at the apartment. No one else had moved in yet so it had to be her.

I immediately texted Belle and shared my frustration and accusation. Photo evidence and all. She suggested that I send something to the group message we were all a part of.

I wrote up something to the effect of me working full-time and paying for all my expenses blah blah blah. The usual stuff. Along with the picture. To further illustrate my point, I referenced the roommate agreement we all agreed to. You know, the part about if you didn’t buy it don’t eat/drink it?

Because I’m an (almost) adult and know how to read and keep promises.

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Send.

And I waited. And waited.

Shockingly, she confessed and owned up to it.

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The sweet satisfaction of being right.

She offered to replace the berries to which I curtly replied, “That won’t be necessary. Thank you.”

This was simply the first of many offenses she would commit. And trust me, they get much worse.

Thanks for reading and laughing with me!

~ Meg

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